It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
