Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
