Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
