I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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