Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
