suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
