Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
