the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
