There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
