So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
