i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
