I love black thongs
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
