i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
