Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
