he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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