That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
