pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
