im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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