i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This girl is more easily done than said...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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