Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
