TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
