you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
