Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
