I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
