I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
