Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
