just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
