I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
