My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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