WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
