I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Randomize
