I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
