He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
