You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i think i have herpe
just one?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
