he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
