you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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