Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
