Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
