I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
