Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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