Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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