just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
