Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
