Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
