escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
