I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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