the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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