ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
