No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
