The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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