Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
