dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
